Still with Steen.
Chris has decided not to talk to me anymore. I still have yet to really ... grieve for that.
Duno if I have much, iduno, let it sink in or something.

Anyway.

Having trouble with school but doing the best that I can.
Money problems.. Not good.

But.

Christmas is coming up, and I plan (hope) to be moving in with Steen just after Christmas.
His lease is up on New Years, so he has to start looking for a place.
I've looked at schools there.. I think I might have decided on one downtown.
While the fact that it's downtown San Diego is a bit of a turn-off, it offers the opportunity to transfer into SDSU, or UCSD.
Or just about anything else in California. Which is good. We're here until he's out of the Navy in a couple years, so.

He's on an underway right now. He left his morning, and will be back on Friday sometime. He has another one next week, and the week after.
Underway.. Underways are like like mini deployments. They go out on the ship for a few days, sometimes a couple weeks, and I guess test the waters. Make sure the ship is good enough in time for deployment next spring.

Speaking of deployment, he'll be going in the spring, and I'll already be living with him. He'll be on and off underways. So essentially it'll be like living by myself until deployment's over a year from now, in which case he'll just be going to work until his enlistment's up in June '11.

I need my independence. I feel like a child here, and I've never felt that way in Parker. Not even when I was a child. I feel like I can't speak, or do anything.
I'm 22 years old.
I need to get out of here.

So we figure, my moving in with him will have the perks of us not always on tension, because we know for a fact how we're like when we're together every day, 24/7. There's no tension like there is when we only see each other once a month like it is now. And if an issue comes up, it's discussed and done and over with. But now, when we see each other, we have 3 days to enjoy, and sadly endure the tension.
Let's face it. Talking on the phone and on Vent, and playing WoW together can only do so much for us

So anyway. Living with him would help me regain my independence, as well as help take the tension off of our relationship.
I'm not saying it's the key to making things, iduno, perfect. Everything is an effort.
But there's tension in my house building from my losing myself.
I hate how, iduno, tame I've become. How like everyone else I've physically become.
And how taped shut my mouth has become.
I feel like pulling my hair out a lot.




On a high note?

I got my braces 3 weeks ago, but I haven't told anyone.
Cause I don't want anyone to know.
My mom doesn't know. Nor my brother(tho the only reason I haven't told him is because he'd tell my mom and she'd tell the whole world).
Basikally the only person in Parker that knows is my niece.

The world doesn't deserve to know. And I don't want to be their gossip.

Anyway.

Blah.


I feel like going on FL Studio and making some music.
I got sick yesterday so I've been a little blech
I have no Steen til Friday so I've got to handle myself one way or another.
And it's horrible but I don't feel like studying for my test tomorrow 0_0
I'll do that later